I can see Rainbows again

I saw a rainbow today.

its presence and beauty so severe, I cried

balled tears that fell to floor with me,

on knees, in praise and gratitude for the vision,

to those that made me see it.

I wondered why it affected me so much,

and realized,

that despite the onslaught of storms that I have weathered,

for seemingly so many moons,

I could not recall seeing a rainbow in many years.

Too many.

The rainbow, a most beautiful vision, salvation it brings.

Invading you through sight to mind,

penetrating your truth to know . . . .

the storm is finally over.

At least, for a little sum of time.

What a welcomed sight to mind.

What a rainbow to appear,

and turn the state of tide.

A Pixie without Wings

I flew to you with purpose

Hovered closely so you’d see

I sparkled there with magic light

but all you saw were flashing wings.

Terrified that I would sting you

terrified of such a being

you never paused to see the light

to understand my meaning.

Ripped from me my wings you pinched

tossed my body to the breeze

as if my wings made me a threat

as if without them, I wouldn’t be.

I wanted you to see the light

the light that isn’t mine.

The light I’ve given everything

to serve to help it shine.

the light was blinding in your eyes

yet all that you could see

was something with a power

greater than you’d ever be.

And so you ripped my wings

and tore the spirit from my back,

but you couldn’t rip the light from me,

instead you taught me that

something that I never knew

never needed to possess,

but something that I know is true

and you could never guess.

A pixie doesn’t fly upon the flutter of her wings.

It’s the light inside a pixie that elevates her every being.

You cannot stop a pixie’s flight, Her light will always be.

with endless light she’ll fly, something you never could defeat.

But please, . . . .

enjoy the wings.

They’re poison tipped and oh,

so lethal for all lower beings.

They Will

When it comes time for guidance

Will all the stars shine bright?

And if they flicker undecidedly

Will we stay the night?

 

We will.

 

When it comes time for mercy

Will Mother earth forgive?

And if she forgets how to be

Will we still choose to live?

 

We will.

 

When the time has come for glory

Will the faithful hear our cry?

And even if they cannot hear us

Without us, will they rise?

 

They will.

 

They will.

Bring Your Broken Children

Bring your broken Children, the ones you don’t understand.

You take away their pens because they write with the other hand.

Bring your broken Children, the ones you try to change.

You reject their love because they love ones of the same.

Bring your broken Children, the ones you call disabled.

You tell them they’re wrong because you can’t see how able.

Bring your broken Children, the ones you say are strange.

You don’t speak their language so you tell them to behave.

Bring your broken Children, the ones with secret friends.

You tell them their reality is only in their head.

Bring your broken Children, the ones that have opinions.

You call them defiant because you don’t know how to listen.

Bring your broken Children, the ones you call disturbed.

You’ll never understand why they feel so estranged on this strange Earth.

Bring your broken Children, the ones that you call Sad.

You’re too obtuse to realize the wonders that you have!

Bring us your gifted Children. We will never try to fix them.

Instead we’ll help them see how being different is a blessing.

there’s a hatred in my heart

it lurks, it purrs, forever yearns

it’s just a hatred in my heart

it seeks, it finds. uneasy minds

can’t take this hatred in my heart

riddled with pain, no shoot to vein

please take this hatred in my heart

with you I share, my pill to bear

replace this hatred in my heart

restore my faith, subdue this ache

embrace this hatred in my heart

it seeks a home to spread and roam

deface this hatred in heart

rewrite this prayer for all to hear

Unleash this hatred in my heart

and make your peace as I release

this horrid hatred in my heart

alive in vein no love remains

a purpose served

They’re coming for us now. So close

Yet so much left undone.

But you must know like me that what we’ve seeded has become.

Around us springs the life of what we needed life to be.

The tears I cry no longer leave me empty or with grief.

I wrote the vision needed now I’ve seen it come to life.

So I continued writing to extinguish all the strife.

Writing to a reader that I never knew to be,

But still that reader’s there and they have taken all from me.

They’ve taken up my purpose. Replaced me in the fight.

I watch in awe as all that I have prayed for comes to light.

Wrote through me a vision, now the sight’s preceding me.

One purpose done leads to another purpose to achieve.

So know that I’m not far away just change the way you see.

I’ll always be within you as I carry you with me.

state of affairs

I never meant to let you in.

I never meant to let you out.

now all I never meant to do

is all that i can think about.

I never meant to know this much

I never meant to feel so vain.

now all I’m ever praying for

is all she’ll ever take away.

I’d always wanted to believe.

On baited breath the air stood tight.

now it’s too clear for me to see

the echos ringing in the night.

No longer want or feel or pain.

Fleeting wonder what’s become.

A silent dedicated state

somehow alive but always numb.

The Ebb and Flow of Dreams

like the tide that moves the ocean,

ever dizzying the sea,

dreams that flow in liquid motion

hard to catch if not to see.

like a breath that’s stolen from us,

gasping as we cling to find

memories stolen when awoken

grasping past the conscious mind.

will a dreamer ever know

the secret purpose of this tide

should a dreamer just let go

and let the universe take guide.

The Second Beginning

the second has begun.

Now comes the darkest of the night.

Evil no longer need shadow,

in utter absence of all light.

 

the second has begun

and It will yield tremendous pain,

as the suffrage must persist

in Its destruction of the vain.

 

the second has begun,

But no, we shall not fear the waves.

Let It cleanse our festered wounds

and wash away what nought be saved.

 

the second has begun

and we rejoice within the storm.

Let It blow away so much decay

and leave behind It something more.

 

the second has begun

and lucky we shall see Its glory.

The sun will surely rise again,

and certain we shall tell Its story.

Return of the Warrior

Had to bury the warrior in me. Seeking peace in a black hole of  heart and mind.

In its absence, my remaining voices developed, and grew strength in identity.

But even as they stand strong with one another, and push forward

relentlessly,

desperately,

suredly,

they look to the return of the Warrior to resolve their undue burdens.

Because only the Warrior can resolve them.

You pray to understand the gift that pains you, the one that you cannot segregate. The one that marches you into the fire, over and over.

You pray so often, rely for so long, that you forget your power. Your Warrior.

But the end of the cycle has come and you remember who you discarded. Who you have always still needed. Who you still are.

There is a time for everything, and the time for the Warrior has returned.

Praise joy.

Reap and Sow

I will not say I’m sorry

You will not bend my mind

I will not rhyme and reason your delusion into mine.

I will not understand you.

Or excuse your ill of way.

No token could persuade me down the path that you’ve arranged.

The luxury you crave will not expense me of my freedom

For you are not a God

and we are none but equal.

The whip you crack keeps lashing back

to scars upon your face

but still you keep on whipping

you can see no other way.

you prayed for my creation

yet you crafted without care

I’m all that you requested

and more than you can bear.

Now I am here to show you

what you don’t want to see

so be careful what you wish for

your beauty is a beast.

Spirit Love at First Sight

January 26, 2019

I remember the first time I saw him. It was just a picture, sent in a text, sent to me while I was millions of miles away on vacation. The senders, my little sister and my mom in cahoots, sent it to me because they knew that I was desperate for love. And so was he.

In less than a second, I had absorbed and memorialized his image in my . . . in my heart, particularly his beautiful sad eyes. I don’t have the words to describe it. But as soon as I saw his picture, I knew that he was mine, and that I was his. It wasn’t a matter of wanting him or him wanting me. It was as if destiny had just casually disclosed itself in a text message, and with a confidence that I had no practical right to possess, I knew that we would be together as soon as I returned. And we certainly were.

Those that don’t believe in love at first sight merely haven’t experienced it. I guess it’s not a bad outlook. Maybe safer that way. Love at first sight is, of course, very rare. So believing in it, without it and while you wait for it, could be an excruciating experience.

That wasn’t my experience. I didn’t believe in love at first sight, so I wasn’t looking for it.  I was too busy barreling down a path of practicality to anticipate a pure miracle.

One day, you’re strolling under a blinding sunlit sky, you know the type, when the sun is so bright that it swallows the sky whole, and as you progress forward you do so on pure faith and trust, because you can’t see anything in front of you, utterly blinded by the white glare. Then, the shade of a billowing tree intercepts your blindness, and standing there under the tree you see the Truth, something you’ve never seen before, but instantly recognize and know.

That’s how it felt when I saw Patty for the first time. I’d never been good at loving before, but with him, I didn’t even have to try. I’ve loved him so much more than myself. And that felt good. When you have that kind of a love you never feel alone. I miss him so much that I can’t think about it. IMG_0989

This will be the first of many stories that I write about Patty. Afterall, he was my better half, and the closer that I keep him to me, the more that I will learn to love myself as I did him.